Indoor Track Reflection

Welcome back!

Hi everyone! I want to thank all of you who read or shared my first newsletter last week. I received some incredible feedback and am really excited to dive into some honest reflections on this platform with you guys. This week, I want to talk about my subpar indoor track season. More specifically: what the plan was going into it, the process of tackling that plan, the results, and of course, the path forward to outdoors. After that there will be some more about life outside of running because last week's poll showed that's what the people want!

POINTS POINTS AND..... MORE POINTS. For those of you who don't know, this is the name of the game for track and field athletes. Our goal is to run the highest caliber meets as fast as we can and finish as high up as possible. That way our governing bodies don't feel bad selecting us to represent them for World and Olympic races. Sounds simple in theory, but gets more complex once you break it down. Not every athlete can get into the highest caliber meets and some athletes already have championships standards, allowing them to sit out of the indoor season. To give myself the best chance of finishing in the top 3 at USA championships in July, I wanted a short but robust indoor season that was filled with high quality meets and a post season USA championships.

1. POTTS Invitational. 800m & 4x400m.

   1. This was my "rust buster." The goal was to go through pre-race motions, practice winning, and feel that 800m and 400m burn before diving into the longer distances. This was a success. I ran 1:51 AND 50.7 for my splits in the middle of a hard training week. It's also nice to sleep in your own bed before a race.

2. DR. SANDER INVITE. MILE. 

   1. Not only did I set intentions on winning this race, but I wanted to do it from the front, dictating the field with calm confidence. It worked. I won in 3:55, getting right on the rabbits and slowly ramping it up over the last 800m. This race felt fun and easy. I finished knowing there was a lot more in the tank: a huge confidence boost before Millrose.

3. MILLROSE GAMES. MILE.

   1. The BIG ONE of the indoor season. Gold Label meet, American (and world record) on watch during this race. I was so excited and nervous. Went out in last and stayed there. Ran a tiny indoor PB of 3:55 low, but was expecting much more. Legs and lungs weren't there. Confused and frustrated.

4. USATF CHAMPIONSHIPS. 1500M.

   1. Showed up looking for redemption and to compete for the win. Went to the front early on and was passed by the entire field. DFL in 3:49 (for 1500m.) Pretty despondent and lost after this one.

Photo: Joe Hale

The worst part of having such an unsuccessful indoor season is that it's the last thing I expected. For the first time in over 3 years, I felt fully prepped. The training was on point, the focus and confidence were there, but the race results faded each week. So what happened?

I started the season off with two victories. Won the 800m at the local meet in Boulder, CO and the Dr. Sander Invite Mile about 10 days later. The race strategy was simple in these meets: be smart the first half then ramp every 200m until you have a lead on the field. Above all else, win. That worked. However, heading into Millrose, I wasn't sure what to do. There wasn't a clear race strategy. That lead to a very anxious warm up and a physical response. I toed the line with intrusive thoughts, tightened lungs, and a completely numb right side.

With the pacing going out in 1:53 through the half, I knew that the front of the race would be a death trap for me. So I went out conservatively, hoping athletes would come back to me after the hot pace. They did not and I stayed in about the same spot; a complete non factor the entire race.

This is a tough one to grapple with. I came through the race in about 1:57 through the halfway point, and still faded to a 1:58 over the final 800m. I felt like I was breathing through a tube even after the first lap, and clearly couldn't have gone out faster and been successful. It's tough to nail down tactics as an athlete but this one felt like a lose-lose. I was pretty hard on myself after and wondered why I felt so bad when two weeks earlier a 3:55 from the front felt easy as pie. But USA Championships were in a week and I had to push forward.

FULL transparency, I ran USAs when I probably shouldn't have. The result was abysmal and not a reflection of the runner I believe I am capable of being. First off, my knee had flared up a few days before, but knowing it wasn't long term problem I figured, "let's get through the race, then take care of the knee." And second, I hadn't been able to shake a bug my wife and I had picked up in NYC during Millrose, despite her kicking it after a few days. That's probably been the most annoyingly consistent part of my life over the past two years: my immune system is worse than a pregnant woman's. And I honestly don't know why.

I pushed back my flight to the day before the race to give myself the best shot of "feeling okay" on the starting line. My plan was to get out to the front and slowly ramp each lap, like I did in my first two successful races. One lap into the race, I knew something was off. My legs were already filling with lactic, my breathing was labored, and I surely wasn't going to be picking up the pace each lap. 600m to go, the entire field flew by me and I had nothing left. This result was both embarrassing and frustrating. 3:49 is really bad for 1500m. Sure, I could point to the knee and sickness, but that doesn't feel like a valid excuse. I am a big believer that if you're toeing the line, you're ready to compete.

Photo: @mikeimedia

My confidence has definitely been shaken. So, I'm going to do a few things to get that back. I had a hard conversation with my parents when I got home. We talked through what went wrong and most of it is on me. I wasn't as communicative as I should have been when things started going south. I treated the illness and knee flare up a minor issues, and wasn't honest with my coaches about them. We also had to talk about my immune system. It seems to to tank after travel so I needed to see a real doctor, and be better about treating race weekends as hard on my body. The last few years my best races have been after long training blocks and the more I race, the worse I get. So, its time to put the important races first on the calendar. Finally, I wasn't mentally prepped for the last two races. I told myself the wrong things beforehand, and the body followed suit. Hard work doesn't mean anything if you don't believe in yourself on the starting line. Can't believe I have to remind myself of this even after 8 years or professional running.

I do want to point out that this fall was best preparation I've ever had. I know that training doesn't go away. Were the results lack luster compared to what I know I can run? Yes. But that doesn't mean I can't be proud that I nailed the process this fall. Maybe my timeline is just different for when I will run well. I am not going to get boggled down by this and will simply get back to work.

I mentioned that I wanted to get my confidence back. Here are a few things I do to help aid in that process:

1. Get back into a routine. When you race and travel, habits start falling off. So after a few easy days of jogging, I am going to emphasize getting back to the boring and basic stuff.

2. Get out of my own way, and my own head. I need a a short memory of this season. I was pretty upset for a good couple days, which is way longer than the 1 hour rule after a bad result. Time to move on.

3. Write every day. To be better about being honest with how I am doing and help mentally prep for racing, I am going to start a daily journal. Also, my wife got me, The Confident Mind: A Battle-Tested Guide to Unshakable Performance and I am excited to read this and write reflections about it during my next training block.

As many of you now know, my wife is 32 weeks pregnant. Life is about to get really crazy over here. My friends have been asking, "are you nervous?" and to be honest, I'm not. When I found out Sandy was pregnant, any remaining feelings of despondency about life's purpose disappeared. I know that sounds a little dramatic, (sorry, my wife's a theater nerd, it's who I am now) but I feel strongly about this. For the last 10 years my identity and self worth has been tied exclusively to running. Yes, I tell myself it isn't and fight with my faith to keep that mentality at bay, but at the end of the day a lot of my confidence relies on race results. However, as soon as I found out we had a little human growing inside my wife's belly, those feelings started to fade. I feel motivated to be the best dad I can be for this kid, regardless of running. There is so much peace (and poopy diapers) that seems to come with that. It also has me grounded in something outside of myself. When you have a child, or at least from what I have observed from relatives and friends, it's not about you anymore. This will be hard at first, but will surely become the most liberating part of my life once I get over that hump. Sort of like shin splints your freshmen year of high school. They suck but once you're past them, you can run lights out and take on the world. That's what happens when life isn't about you anymore. The happiest people are those who serve others. I am very grateful for the opportunity to do that.

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